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The TV presenter and DJ on being tricked into watching porn, starring in a Jaws panto and saying ‘I love you’ to builders

So now you’ve released The Best Of Rude Tube, do you plan on doing any more or have you got other grand plans for the future?
I love the idea of having grand plans. It makes me sound like I might assemble all the DVDs into some kind of throne and sit upon it in the foyer of HMV. But I think it might be a bit presumptuous that people would go “oh, there he is, King Rude Tube”. No, it never ends, I love it. We’re putting together a Christmas special, full of Christmas-style injuries, failures, animals, anything that’s got Christmas involved.

What’s the best kind of YouTube video?
One of the shows we did this year was an episode called ‘mashed and mixed’. People were doing mash ups where they cut up existing footage and turned it into something new. There’s a duo called Cassetteboy who do it very well. They did one for The One Show, they did one for The Apprentice. It’s like an artform in itself. It’s quite nice that it has sprung up due to the popularity of YouTube and people are seeing it a platform to be creative as well as just to injure their balls. But there’s time in everyone’s day – if you set aside 30 seconds – to watch a man intentionally ram his testicles against a metal pole while strapped to the bonnet of a car. You can’t argue with that guy’s commitment and that in itself should be applauded.

What have been the best and worst moments in your career?
When I was working for MTV in 2005, we were in LA and I got to interview Burt Reynolds. It was simultaneously the best and worst time in my career. I grew up watching Smokey And The Bandit and I wanted to be him. At the end of the interview he was like: “I loved that man, that was a great interview, what’s your name?” I said: “Oh it’s Alex Zane.” The following day I ran into him in a bar with a friend and he was sitting down. I said to my friend: “That’s Burt Reynolds over there, he knows who I am.” He said: “No he doesn’t, shut up, don’t be a dick. Burt Reynolds does not know who you are.” I went, “If I go over I’ll bet you he knows my name,” so I went over and said hi, and he went “Oh that’s right, Alan, Alan Zone.” But it’s OK. I’ll be Alan Zone for Burt Reynolds.

You once sung in a band called Batmaus. What were the best lyrics you wrote?
I can’t remember. All I can remember is we used to cover the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Suck My Kiss. Every time we performed it live, I forgot the lyrics and all I could remember was the bit where he goes “suck my kiss”. I used to go “da da da da...SUCK MY KISS.” It was terrible.

You had a run in with Tom Clarke from The Enemy and he called you a “talentless, soulless prick”. Are you friends again now?
Yeah we are. We worked together recently in Manchester. We had a bit of what you’d describe as a man hug. At a distance it would have resembled two skinny blokes re-enacting the Gillette advert where they do the big hug. That’s all water under the bridge, thankfully.

Have you ever been scared by something a fan has done?
I once got some fanmail written in purple crayon. It said: “Hello Alex, I like you, would you like to look at my website.” I’d assumed it was a young girl, a tweenager. I clicked on the website – out of curiosity, you see – and I found out it was one of the ladies that presents Babestation in various states of undress on motorbikes. The contrast between the purple handwriting and the explicit photograph was surprising to say the least.

If you could be in any panto, what would it be?
Have they done a panto version of Jaws? I’m waiting for that. I’d be the shark’s teeth. I’d somehow disguise myself using bits of enamel that I’d found on a dentist’s floor. I imagine the shark would be constructed of papier-mache by children at a primary school, and I’d sit inside.

When was the last time you said something you wish you hadn’t?
I was letting a builder out of my flat the other day and I was like “see ya!” then I went: “I love you!” I have no idea why. It just popped in there. We’d had a nice chat, we’d got on. I’d made him a cup of tea. We talked about football. Well, he talked about football, I listened and pretended I knew what he was talking about with suitable comments like: “Oh he didn’t do that did he ... gah, what a .... referee.” I think I’d bonded in some way to the point where as he was leaving I said “I love you”. He didn’t say anything, just looked back at me. Unfortunately he’s coming back tomorrow. I hope he doesn’t bring a bunch of flowers, having
got the wrong idea.


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Rude Tube's Alex Zane on porn, Jaws and Burt Reynolds
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