Seven awesome nights out on the town for less than £50? TNT takes the tight-arse challenge. WORDS: Trevor Paddenburg
London — it’s awesome. With so much going on every night of the week, there’s no excuse to be as bored as you were back home in Toowoomba, Taranaki or Touwsrivier.
But without cash, and plenty of it to splash around, the most fun you’re going to have is another night on the couch with a few cans of Fosters watching Friends re-runs, right?
No worries, TNT is here to take the tight-arse challenge. I’ve paid the rent, bought a travelcard and stocked the fridge with food. Now my mission is to have seven fun nights out on the town, with a budget of £7 to spend each night.
MONDAY — £6.20
It’s Monday, so I need a laugh. Bring on open mic night at the Rhythm Factory (020-7375 3774; Rhythm Factory). Entry is free, two pints to wet the whistle set me back £6.20, and there’s a handful of characters who provide some hilarious and some cringe-worthy comedy.
TUESDAY — £8
Time for some culture. I throw on a tie and jacket, duck into auction house Christie’s (020-7839 9060; Christie's) and check out some multimillion pound canvases, including a couple by Renoir.
I feel like catching a flick, but bugger not-so-cheap Tuesday at the cinema. Instead, I head to the Roxy Bar and Screen (020-7403 4423; Roxy Bar and Screen) and watch their free nightly feature film while sipping a £4 Magners. Well, two actually.
WEDNESDAY — £0
OK, acupuncture and a raging night out in London don’t exactly go hand in hand. But hot needles shoved into your flesh after a day at the office does feel damn good. I logged onto the British Acupuncture Council website (Acupuncture) a month ago and volunteered for a session at a teaching college. Tonight’s the night — the only weird thing is being in my undies in front of 30 students.
Afterwards, it’s time to stretch my newly relaxed muscles on a stroll from Clerkenwell to Soho, drinking in the sights along New Oxford Street and Tottenham Court Road on the way.
THURSDAY — £0
How cool is this? I’m spending the night in the TV audience for car show Top Gear — for free. Again, it took a bit of advance organisation, but plenty of shows need an audience to laugh, clap and groan during filming. See Applause Store and SRO Audiences.
FRIDAY — £13
I’m lashing out tonight, but it’s worth every penny. The Comedy Store (0844-847 1728; The Comedy Store) has to be the funniest night out in London. I laugh till it hurts for three hours as six different comedians — all brilliant. They have the crowd in stitches.
SATURDAY — £18.20
For once I’m not hungover on a Saturday, so at daybreak I head to Richmond Park, where the rutting red deer put on a display of gladiatorial horn-locking combat.
After my walk I’ve got a raging appetite, so I head to Borough Market. Forget the famous £4 chorizo roll and load up on free tastings of olives, cheese and salami.
Next, it’s on to Beyond Retro (020-7613 3636; Beyond Retro). Every Saturday from 3pm emerging bands rock out at this chic vintage warehouse.
Finally, it’s time to get on the booze with my mates. I buy eight cans for £5 at the offie, sip ’em on a friend’s terrace, then hit the Pitcher & Piano (020-7736 3910; Pitcher and Piano) for four more cheeky pints before stumbling home.
SUNDAY — £0
I’ve always wanted to check out Westminster Abbey (020-7222 5152; Westminster Abbey), but the £10 entry fee would bust my budget. Instead, I go to the 9am church service, mumble my way through a few prayers and check out one of London’s tourist attractions for nix.
Then it’s on to Speakers’ Corner to listen to some entertaining soapbox rants about religion and why I shouldn’t cook food in a microwave.
Afterwards, I hit the free Grant Museum of Zoology, where there are 32,000 specimens to check out, including the extinct dodo. Bet you’ve never seen one of those in the flesh!
THE VERDICT
Surprise, surprise! Not a bad week out and about in London for less than £7 a night. In fact, I had a grand total of £3.60 left in my sky rocket.
But do you know what the best part was about getting stuff on the cheap? As well as saving your dosh, it feels kinda fun scamming the system and managing to milk the most out of London, where capitalism is king. Get cracking!
Where to get more free stuff
» Free gig tickets
Distribute flyers and score free tickets to gigs at the Islington Carling Academy. See Islington Academy.
» Cut a flash mob rug
Try ‘flash mobbing’ at a spontaneous iPod rave, organised regularly at London landmarks. Have a hell of a boogie without spending a cent at overpriced nightclubs. See Flashmob.
» Dumpster diving
Tons of perfectly good food is dumped by supermarkets every day. Head round to the back car park, open a skip and you’ll find ripe bananas, pain au raisins, ciabatta loaves still sealed in plastic and Belgian chocolates. Bon appétit!
» Sign up as a mystery shopper
Try all kinds of goods and services for free. See Mystery Shoppers and Retail Maxim. All you have to do is give them feedback on the products.
» Recycled goods
One man's trash is another’s treasure and there are websites that work on that principle. They’re great for furnishing your place and passing on stuff you don’t want. See Free Cycle and Free2collect.
» Get a free haircut
If you’re game, score a free haircut from a trainee hairdresser. See Mahogany Hair.