42-year-old American man, Jonah Falcon (real name, not porn alias) currently holds the world record for having the… Well, the world’s most endowed member.
He came to the attention of the public in 1999 when he featured on an HBO special about men and their penises and crossed the Atlantic when he appeared in a Channel 4 special in the UK called, succinctly, The World’s Biggest Penis.
Now though, Mr Falcon has released a song about his infamous man meat, entitled It’s Too Big.
Despite not being a trained singer, Falcon gives an almighty performance that will quickly allay fears people might have had that his voice would sound turgid or strained.
The production is certainly layered on pretty thick throughout It’s Too Big, providing a nicely rounded sound with plenty of aural girth to keep even the most anal of music aficionado’s satisfied.
In terms of the lyrics, it’s clear that Falcon and his partner in grime, Adam Barta, really wanted to be ballsy, penetrating deep into the depths of their own human experience to dredge up truly weighty, well rounded sentiments.
“I heard it from all the guys and every single freakin’ girl/They wanna try and take a ride on the biggest in the world/But in order to ride the beast it must be unfurled,” sings Falcon, clearly standing back from the metaphorical tapestry of life and trying to take in the big picture, without shoving it down your throat… So to speak.
The chorus sees Falcon’s wordy poetics really take full flight, towering proudly, magnificently erect above the rest of today’s average pop numbers.
“Too damn big/” sings Falcon, before continuing “It’s just too damn big/Your penis too damn big, yeah/It’s too damn big.”
If that doesn’t get you to where you need to be, you’re just not trying hard enough.
Despite the track being released on CDbaby.com and on iTunes, Falcon has reportedly been staying mum on the whole issue, while his manager and former porn star Gina Rodriguez has told the Huffington Post that Falcon will absolutely “not be available for an interview”.
Better download the track now before it violates the charts.
