Shaggers: Valentine’s Special 

Love-making mishaps are the focus of this stand-up comedy show at Leicester Square Theatre, with the talent, including Sameena Zehra (above), delving into innuendo-laden stories of how it’s gone wrong for them between the sheets with all sorts of incidents, accidents and injuries.

Be prepared, though, as this is one comedy gig where you’ll want to be an audience member only and not regaling everyone with that time you’ve tried your best to forget.

£10, Feb 14, 9pm WC2H 7BX  
Tube | Leicester Square  
leicestersquaretheatre.com

The Crooked Well Chocolate Menu

This 2013 Michelin Pub Guide-featured drinkery has a special choccy-themed menu – tuna with cacao pesto; chicken liver parfait with dark chocolate port wine sauce; confit of duck with white chocolate mash … you get the picture.

Surely enough aphrodisiac to get you and that special someone going. 

£5+, Feb 14, 6.30pm-12am 16
Grove Lane, SE5 8SY 
Tube | Denmark Hill 
thecrookedwell.com

Twister and Cocktails at Anise

Embrace your singleton status this Valentine’s Day with a cocktail-infused night of unabashed contortion and flirting.

Along with other singles, games of Twister will be played at this sultry bar adjoining Indian eatery Cinnamon Kitchen (just off Bishopsgate, near Liverpool Street), the winners bagging themselves free drinks in to the bargain.

It’s basically a great way to get pissed, and up close and personal with other available, sexy and boozed up strangers. Hell, everybody’s Valentine’s Day should be about that! 

Free, Feb 14, 4pm-11pm Anise, EC2M 4YL 
Tube | Liverpool Street 
cinnamon-kitchen.com/anise

It’s A Man’s World

This southwest London boozer is a cut above, and marks V-day with a manly concoction of beers and pool, with no-nonsense grub such as mini burgers, fish and chips and sausage rolls.  

£10, Feb 14, 12pm-3.30pm; 6pm-10.30pm 
The Cadogan Arms, SW3 5UG 
Tube | South Kensington  
thecadoganarmschelsea.com

Dinner and a Movie

You can keep it simple and cosy with a three-course dinner and a romantic film at the Roxy’s bar and cinema, with the charming Once or classic Casablanca (pictured, above) as your choices of cinematic accompaniment. 

£35, Feb 14, 5pm 
Roxy Bar and Screen, SE1 1LB 
Tube | Borough  
roxybarandscreen.com 

Hidden City: Cupid’s Conundrums

The Hidden City folk specialise in cryptic clue-based mini adventures, where you need to solve the mystery and discover the city at the same time.

This Valentine’s Day experience illuminates the capital’s romantic side – you’ll discover parts of the city, and of yourself, that you didn’t know existed before!

Feb14-24, Mon-Sat, 12pm-4pm0;
Sun, 12pm-3.30pm Vinoteca Wine Bar, W1H 5BD 
Tube | Marble Arch  
inthehiddencity.com

Valentine's Day events in London: Loved-up, single or ready to mingle we've got you covered