We’ve all heard the complaint before: “Nice guys finish last.” It’s the age-old grievance of men who claim they’ve done everything right (been respectful, considerate, emotionally mature), only to watch the women they want to fall for the bad boys instead.
But is there any truth to it? Are most women actually drawn to toxic men? Or is this just another oversimplified dating myth that needs to be put to bed?
What is the “Bad Boy” Appeal?
The idea that women are naturally drawn to toxic men isn’t just some millennial’s hot take—it’s something researchers have studied for quite some time. And, to be fair, there is some evidence to back it up.
Studies suggest that some women—particularly those in their younger years—do show a preference for men who display traits associated with the dark triad: narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. Charming? Yes. Exciting? Definitely. Good long-term partners? Not so much.
So, why the attraction then? Well, these men tend to be confident, socially dominant, and incredibly good at playing the game. They know how to push emotional buttons, create excitement, and keep women hooked on a cycle of highs and lows.
We reached out to Blue Monday and spoke to Holly, one of their high-class London escorts, who’s spent years around high-status men. Despite her preferences for real gentlemen, she can see the appeal for those on the more ‘toxic’ side:
“I’ve met plenty of toxic men throughout my career, and god knows that every single one of them has touched a nerve or two. However, although I prefer my men to be charming and thoughtful, I do see the appeal. The thing about cocky men is they know how to create drama, tension, and desire—it’s exciting. It’s addictive. The highs are incredible, and the lows keep you chasing the next high. Trust me, I’ve been there before.”
Evolution Has a Say in the Matter…
Some evolutionary psychologists argue that women may be subconsciously drawn to dominant and assertive men because these traits signal strength, status, and the ability to provide. From an evolutionary perspective, a man who is confident, unpredictable, and even a little aggressive might seem like a better mate than a man who’s overly passive or accommodating.
But then again, dominance doesn’t automatically mean toxicity. Assertiveness and confidence are attractive, but so are kindness, emotional intelligence, and stability.
The problem? Toxic men often fake the good qualities while manipulating their way into a woman’s heart. They’re not actually high-value partners; they just appear that way at first glance.
But What About the ‘Nice Guys’?
Let’s talk about the so-called nice guys who believe women only want toxic men.
A lot of the time, these guys aren’t as nice as they claim to be – they’re just really, really passive. And there’s a big difference.
Being a nice guy doesn’t mean you automatically deserve women’s attention. Attraction doesn’t work like a vending machine where you insert kindness and receive her undying loyalty in return.
Confidence, assertiveness, and sexual chemistry all play a role in attraction. And unfortunately, a lot of men who complain about women choosing “toxic guys” aren’t actually offering an attractive alternative—they’re just expecting women to be drawn to them out of obligation.
Women don’t want toxic men—they just want men who know what they want, know how to take the lead, and don’t act entitled to their affection.
So, Women Aren’t Attracted to Toxic Men?
For most women out there, yes, we’d say so.
Some women do fall for toxic partners, usually due to emotional trauma, low self-esteem, or being caught up in the thrill of the chase. But the majority of women don’t actively seek out toxic men—they just sometimes mistake toxic traits for confidence and strength.
At the end of the day, women don’t want drama—they want excitement. And if the so-called “nice guys” could bring that without the toxicity? They’d probably win a lot more hearts.
So, maybe the real lesson here is pretty simple: men need to learn the difference between being nice and being attractive.
