Mankets: What’s a manket, you ask? I’m glad you don’t know. (If you do know, just roll with it.) A manket is a ridiculous new fashion trend that’s taking London’s streets hostage by storm. Basically, it’s a blanket for a man, but ‘mancho’ would have been a more appropriate moniker for the garish fashion trend. Similar to a poncho, the manket is worn around the neck. Nothing seems to be slowing down this trend; but perhaps a warm dose of summer will finally put mankets in the closet, where (hopefully) they’ll be buried in better fashion choices, never, ever to return.

Slim slacks and skinny jeans: Here’s the skinny on skinny slacks and jeans. They’re not comfortable! Sure, in many instances skinny slacks can, and do, look fantastic. This year, sixties stovepipe slacks are fashion forward, but this seems a little backward when you consider these slacks are tapered at the ankle. Tell me, who among you is comfortable sitting down and having your entire sock, and some of your leg, visible? Plus, who wants to worry about underwear lines? Give it up. Now.

Brown is the new black: It’s called a black tie event for a reason, but this year fashion is telling us to get down in brown. London’s elite should be hitting the red carpet in various shades of brown this year, and the rest of the world is welcome to laugh at them. It’s one thing to pair a brown jacket with coordinating colors, and it’s another thing entirely to wear a brown tuxedo, or three-piece suit – yet menswear magazines are calling brown ‘the new black.’ Somewhere, James Bond is rolling his eyes, and buttoning his black tuxedo jacket.

Techno fashion: When will fashion put away the glow sticks? This year, too much color and noise is trending, and that means more muscle shirts, more maddening prints, and more reasons to wear your sunglasses at night – if simply to block out the glare of some dude’s loud print. With countless options, from lime green PVC to prints, your friends (if you have any left) will need sunglasses to view you in. Avoid at all costs.

Bucket hats: It’s Gilligan’s year because bucket hats are back in style. Sure, it rains in England, and sometimes you need a hat (or an umbrella, but you don’t see those on the runway). But, a bucket hat, really? Next, fashion will be telling us it’s fashion forward to adorn our bucket hats with fishing lures and/or ironic buttons that read, ‘Size isn’t important, unless you’re a fisherman.’ Also, don’t expect to impress the ladies in this newest fashion trend, unless you’re secretly pining for a girl named Mary Ann, but she’ll never give you a second look because your hat is so hateful.

Happily, 2014 isn’t all awful trends. There are a few great trends emerging this year. For instance, blazers are back in style. Items like blue blazers, as well as brown tweed sport coats, should fit the fashion bill nicely. Bomber jackets, camouflage prints, and fedoras are also in style – all of which are much better choices than what’s listed above.

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