From the hilarious and bizarre to the downright horrific, a number of sex-related injuries have been recorded over the years; and, at least in the milder forms of carpet burn and banged heads, they’re not as uncommon as you may think. Usually the injuries both minor and major result from somebody becoming too over-zealous in the bedroom, while other times it can be caused by kinky DIY objects backfiring. Other times, it’s just plain bad luck.
10. Some say a kiss is never ‘just a kiss’ and that couldn’t be truer for one young Chinese lady who was left deaf for two months as a result of a heavy kissing session with her beau. According to the doctor who treated the 20-something, the excessive macking “reduced the pressure in the mouth, pulled the eardrum out and caused the breakdown of the ear”, reported China Daily. That’s one couple literally bursting with passion.
9. Ever heard about drunken idiots snorting chilli? We definitely do not recommend doing this, but apparently the burning sensation is painfully intense due to the sensitive skin on the inside of your nose, called mucous membrane, which also lines your lips, ears and genitals… Well one couple inadvertently spiced up their sex life when the man came home from a night out eating spicy hot food and then engaged in saucy bedroom antics with his lady, only to accidentally burn her sensitive parts with his tongue.
8. Another popped body part, this time in the eye. Apparently a number of people have recorded popped blood vessels resulting in decreased vision as a result of intensely mind-(or should that be eye)-blowing orgasms.
7. One young and otherwise healthy lass went to hospital with unusual signs of acute onset of abdominal pain, normally caused by air or gas in the abdominal cavity. Eventually it was revealed the cause was a Jacuzzi jet…
6. Another seemingly fit young women went to the doctors claiming she’d had a persistent cough for over six months. Turns out the cause wasn’t a cold or nasty bug, but rather a condom that had been accidentally inhaled during fellatio.
5. Though there are no bones in the penis, apparently it is possible for it (the tubes that fill with blood during an erection) to break. This usually happens when an erect penis is forcefully bent and is usually accompanied by a loud snapping sound and searing pain. One man, in his 60s, reportedly suffered a penile fracture when he was going at it solo, heard his mother coming, and attempted to quickly lock the door but instead fell down.
4. A New Zealand woman in her mid-40s ended up with a paralyzed left arm after her (blood-sucking) partner gave her a hickey on her neck that resulted in a blood clot that turned into a stroke! Dr Teddy Wu, who treated her at hospital, told the New Zealand press at the time “Because it was a love bite there would be a lot of suction. Because of the physical trauma, it had made a bit of bruising inside the blood vessel. There was a clot in the artery underneath where the hickey was.” That’s one sex-injury that would have really sucked.
3. Okay, a bit of a weird one. There are a number of people who firmly recommend keeping pets, especially cats, out of the lovemaking room because it’s not uncommon for cats to attack, especially the genital area, while you’re mid in the act. Some believe this is the cat trying to protect its owner, while others view cats as demon animals simply wreaking havoc whenever they can. Whatever the cause, keep your pets out of the bedroom!
2. For whatever reason (embarrassment, money, time) some people prefer not to buy sex toys, but rather improvise at home. Doctors have reported all sorts of foreign objects found lodged in behinds. Apparently in the year 2007-8 over 10,000 people in the UK were treated for a “foreign body entering through eye or other natural orifice”. One not-so-bright Croatian man decided to put a neon light bulb in a place where the sun doesn’t shine, but the poor guy almost died when the bulb exploded.
1. Lastly, but still following on the same idea as above, a 20-year-old man – reportedly healthy and sober at the time – was hospitalised complaining of rectal pain. A digital examination revealed a stony hard mass, and the patient soon admitted he’d been fooling around with his partner and they’d decided to pour concrete mix into… you know where. The concrete was removed and the patient discharged the following day. Moral of the story: don’t, just don’t.