The fact that someone thought this album was worth making is surprising.
The fact that it’s getting a big release on a major label is an eyebrow-raiser.
But the fact that it’s going to be at No 1 by the time you read this is beyond belief.
You won’t hear a worse record all year.
Everybody Wants To Be On TV picks up where Scouting For Girls’ debut left off, which is to say they swept up the crap they found behind Keane’s fridge, took out all the tasty bits and dumbed down the rest for the benefit of infants six months removed from nursery rhymes.
There is, at least, variety with lighter-waving ballads (This Ain’t A Love Song), uptempo romps (On The Radio), pop-funk workouts (Good Time Girl) and clumsy pop stompers (Little Miss Naughty).
None are any good; the production is cheesy, the music is GCSE-level pop, and the lyrics: “Posh girls have good manners / But they go like the clappers.”
A horrible record.