What baffles me about London is the unquestioning acceptance of house prices.

London’s best-kept secret is the walk along Teddington Lock [in Surrey along the south bank of the Thames]. It is beautiful and serene. And best of all, it is free!

When I want to chill out I go to Hyde Park. It can be pleasant given the right weather and density of picnickers.

The most interesting person I’ve met in London is Henry Normal.

He produced my TV show [sitcom] Hebburn, but if you look at his Wikipedia entry you can see he has been responsible for almost all of the great comedy that the UK has produced in the past 20 years.

My favourite place for a drink is the Euston Tap.

It has loads of craft beers – that’s posh for real ale. They all have different tastes, and they will order you a pizza, too!

For when you’re hungover in London you can’t beat a bed. It doesn’t matter where, anywhere.

The first thing I think of in the morning is “where is the snooze button on the alarm clock?”

My perfect weekend needs sun, booze, family, mates, good food and not having a shit Monday looming.

The last naughty thing I did was ordering some more new trainers on the internet. I will have to act surprised when they turn up. My trainer collection is becoming unmanageable.

The biggest faux pas I’ve made is at a wedding, when drunk – I was talking to a bloke and told him I thought Porsches were for wankers.

He collected them. Had five. It was an uncomfortable dinner after that, although my missus enjoyed it.

Five words that sum up London … Hot, fast, big, bright, fun.

 Hebburn airs Thursdays, 10pm on BBC2