Brazilian boffins reckon the ‘cowgirl’ position – in which the woman takes control as she kneels astride her fella – is responsible for an eye-watering half of all penile fractures suffered in the bedroom. Doggy-style sex accounts for a further 29 per cent of injuries, whereas the good old unadventurous ‘man on top’ missionary position is responsible for only 21 per cent.
We hate to spell it out, but a penile fracture involves a rupture which occurs when the blood-engorged penis is suddenly and forcefully bent in the heights of passion. Put simply, it can happen should the old John Thomas momentarily slip out just as the woman is landing – in cowgirl – or the man is thrusting in during ‘doggy’. Excuse us while we wince.
The ruptured ramrod usually requires urgent surgery, and, not surprisingly, the injury can result in erectile disfunction, painful sex and a permanently bent joystick. (We’re still wincing.)
Doctors and academics examined patients with suspected penile fractures at three accident and emergency units in the city of Campinas, in Brazil, over a 13 year period. Half reported hearing a crack before experiencing pain (you don’t say?), with some also suffering swelling (stop it – it’s not funny).
The report, published in the Advances in Urology journal, concluded: “Our study supports the fact that sexual intercourse with ‘woman on top’ is the potentially riskiest sexual position related to penile fracture. Our hypothesis is that when the woman is on top she usually controls the movement with her entire bodyweight landing on the erect penis, not being able to interrupt it when the penis suffers a wrong way penetration.”
Happily, the injury is relatively rare, with only 44 men attending hospital over the study period, of whom 42 had the condition confirmed. Of these, 28 were injured in heterosexual romps, four during gay sex, six as a result of “penis manipulation” and four in circumstances which were “unclear”.
You know what? From a gent’s perspective the monastic lifestyle suddenly seems almost appealing….
