Q. I’ve been seeing a girl but didn’t think we were exclusive so hooked up with another girl at a party. The first girl found out and lost it. Should I try to persuade her to give me another chance? If so, how?
Rueben says: I used to be in rodeo. and the baddest bull around was Bodacious – a
monster with powerful hind legs and a hard ridge of muscle running
across his shoulders. Us cowboys call that ‘the windshield’.
A
mate of mine, a guy called Tuff Hedeman, successfully rode Bodacious
and became the toast of the sport. But Bodacious didn’t forget.
One
night in Vegas, Tuff again drew Bodacious, with dire consequences.
Bodacious threw Tuff up with his back end and then brought his
windshield up, connecting with Tuff’s head as he fell.
Tuff broke every bone in his face from ear to ear. He underwent
several hours of reconstructive surgery and had six titanium plates
inserted.
So be careful what you wish for. If you try to get
back on that bull, it could end with you lying broken and bloodied in
the dust, only your screams piercing the stillness of the warm desert
night. I’ll say a cowboy prayer for you.
Ruby says: I know men like you. I know your hypocrisy. You knock boots with any
girl who isn’t immediately sickened by you, but when a strong, artistic
woman wants to do the same with ten guys in animal masks and film it
and put the whole installation online, you’re like, ‘that’s not art –
that’s filth’.
When I was on tour with my all-girl post-punk
prog-rock eight-piece, the New Amazonians, supporting all-male bands, I
watched them go through groupies like Catholic priests using up altar
boys. But the moment we hogtied our roadies and showed them what it
felt like to be invaded, the patriarchy got involved and we were hauled
to court.
Next time you see a girl you want to objectify, you
should just offer her your seed on its own so she needn’t deal with the
husk.
» Got a sex or relationship worry? Email dearreuben@tntmagazine.com
