Q: I’ve been seeing a girl who’s much better looking than me. She gets a lot of attention from guys and I’m worried I won’t be able to keep her. What should I do?

Reuben says: In the Sixties, I was one of the most celebrated beat poets of the day – cafes in San Francisco’s Haight-Ashbury thrilled to my verse. Years of hard living, though, had left the beauty of my youth in ruins; women were repulsed by my appearance.

There was a gorgeous waitress at one of the coffee houses, Roxanne, who I loved. But one of my proteges, Christian, was also besotted by her and, presuming she would never be interested in me, I agreed to help him.

Countless nights, we met underneath the balcony of Roxanne’s studio apartment, Christian reciting my most ardent romantic poetry, using my eloquence to seduce the woman we both loved.

They hooked up, had a stack of babies and I never got a look in. It destroyed me. Don’t let your girl out of your sight and be prepared to sabotage any guy who tries to cut your lunch.

%TNT Magazine% sex and relationship advice for the ugly1

Ruby says: Break up with her in the hope that her weird passive-aggressive need to remediate her own nagging sense of inadequacy binds her to you more tightly than ever. Failing that, you’re pretty screwed.

I’ve had a string of relationships with guys who weren’t as attractive as me – I was prepared to slum it, under the misapprehension that it would prove I wasn’t superficial – like giving to charity or leaving a tip.

Maybe you can rely on her doing this long enough for you fire off a few more shots but, if I were you, I’d be lining up some new, less attractive girls so you’re not left totally hat-in-hand when the hot girl bails.

In life, the key to happiness is low expectations. Some girls are too good for you. Identify them early and avoid.

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