Sex and relationship advice at its twisted best – meet TNT’s Dear Ruby and Reuben.
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend five years but living in a new city has expanded my horizons and, even though I love him, I feel we need some time apart. What should I do?
Ruby says: It sounds like you’ve outgrown your boyfriend – your only option is to break up with him; maybe set him up with another girl to soften the blow or, at least, assuage your own guilt.
The second time I got married, we went to Goa on India’s west coast for our honeymoon. Maybe it was the mind-altering drugs I was hoeing into or maybe it was just the island’s vibe but, released from the strictures of our lives back home, I realised married life wasn’t for me.
But rather than break my new husband’s heart, I set him up with one of the local women at a bar. I drugged him and paid the woman to take him home, but I never heard from him again so, presumably, it all worked out for the best and it certainly helped me move on.
Reuben says: It can be hard letting go of someone you’re attached to, even when you know it’s for the best.
I once had a RealDoll called Shakaya – her skin was made from the same material used to make prosthetics and her anatomically correct skeleton meant she was fully poseable, but in an entirely realistic way. She had a range of looks that could be rotated, down to such details as eyelashes and nail polish. I was really into her.
But then, one day, my mum found Shakaya in my cupboard. She didn’t understand our relationship and insisted I break up with Shakaya or move out. I wasn’t working at the time and we had just had Pay TV installed so, regrettably, I ended things.
I still think about Shakaya but the sense of loss has subsided into an appreciation of the time we shared. As it will for you.
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