It’s much too early in the morning to try and process a story like this. Just the headline alone is enough to set most men to wincing, shaking their heads and muttering under their breath. For who in their right minds would try and mutilate their own meat and two veg with their bare hands?

A 41-year-old Ohio man, apparently. He wasn’t in any fit state of mind though, which is something, I guess. He was high as a kite on magic mushrooms.

Ohio police responded to an alarm that had been set off at a local middle school when they came across a naked man covered in blood kneeling in the gutter. Upon closer inspection they found that the man – whose name has been withheld – had ripped ‘parts’ of his penis and scrotum off in a drug related freak out.

Sgt. Geoff Fox, one of the police officers who found the man, gave comments to and was quoted by the Huffington Post as saying: “He mutilated his genitals with his bare hands. He was doing a lot of yelling and screaming.”

No shit.

According to Sgt. Fox, it took six officers to eventually subdue the man who subsequently admitted to having taken large quantities of psilocybin; an extract procured from dried out magic mushrooms. According to the Drug Enforcement Administration the side effects of taking this psilocybin include hallucinations, panic, psychosis and the inability to discern fantasy from reality.

The man, along with ‘portions of his genitals’ were taken to a nearby hospital where he is in a stable condition according to the Huffington Post. No mention is made as to what condition his twig and berries are in, but one could assume they’d be poorly at best.

The police have also decided to press burglary charges on the man, who had apparently been trying to force entry to the middle school either just prior to, or straight after, tearing his manhood.

That’s basically the definition of adding insult to grotesque, disfiguring injury.

Image: Getty