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Afternoon Tea is an English institution, one that any visitor to London should endeavour to enjoy. And, being the helpful magazine you know us to be, we've gathered the very best afternoon tea experience in London.

You’d be hard pushed to find anything more quintessentially English than the afternoon tea. Centuries-old tradition,a jolly spiffing slice of cake or two and a brew – no wonder it's never gone out of fashion.

But that’s not to say London’s afternoon teas haven’t begun mixing it up a bit for the modern day. We’ve noticed a new wave of twists on the traditional tea sweeping the city, which is why we’ve put together TNT’s ultimate guide to London’s best.

Afternoon tea is all about decadence and indulgence, and you don’t get much more sinful than Afternoon Tease!, which serves a side of burlesque with your sponge. Once a month, this saucy event at the Volupté Lounge near Chancery Lane invites you to enjoy a full spread (pardon the pun)while ladies sporting feathers, fans and stockings are on hand to entertain.

Tempest Rose, one of Afternoon Tease!’s smoking hot performers, tells TNT: “We encourage our audiences to cheer and stamp their feet when ever they see something they like. The audiences laugh, whoop and get thoroughly entertained.”



Each Tease party features a series of naughty shows, during which a bevy of women dance, sing, act and ... um... improvise. Joining them is seldom frowned upon. As well as burlesque performances to get involved in and finger sarnies and warm scones to stuff down, Afternoon Tease! provides Gateaux Vivants – static nudie ladies dotted about the place, covering their bits with cakes. This is art. Appreciate it.



If Afternoon Tease! is London’s naughtiest afternoon tea, then the Tea-Tox at Brown’s hotel in Mayfair is the one to wash away your sins. Reposition your halo with this healthier take on an afternoon binge, where sandwiches are served on rye bread and flourless chocolate cake makes your scoffing that bit more excusable.“It’s not a lesser option from a deliciousness point of view,” insists Sophie Darley, communications manager at Brown’s. “Anyone eating this alongside a friend who’s tucking into the traditional version of our tea wouldn’t feel left out.”



Dishes include smoked mackerel– which is high in health-boosting Omega-3 – served with soft-boiled quail’s egg; smoked chicken and guacamole on spelt bread (“It’s great for digestion and has a lovely, nutty flavour,” reckons Darley); fruit skewers with yoghurt and honey; and sugar-free orange cake baked with low-fat crème fraîche and smothered with ayoghurt topping. And if you go for thechampagne option, you’ll be served alow-calorie Dosnon and Lepage Extra-Brut. Bonus.

Super-chef Mark Hix is director of food at Brown’s, and as such the Tea-Tox is very much focused on seasonality (in keeping with Hix’s food philosophy),giving you yet another reason to feel extra-good and smug.Neither of these tickle your fancy?There are plenty more to tempt you over the page, from a gents’ version with Jack Daniel’s to the Mad Hatter’s. 

Afternoon Tease! Next show March 2, 2.30pm-5pm. £42.
Volupté, 9 Norwich Street, EC4A 1EJ
Tube: Chancery Lane

timefortease.co.uk

Tea-Tox. Mon-Thur,3pm-6pm; Fri, 2pm-6pm; Sat-Sun, 12pm-6.30pm. £39.50; add £10 for champagne.
Brown’s Hotel, Albemarle Street, W1S4BP
Tube: Green Park

brownshotel.com

 

More of London's marvellous afternoon teas...


Sketch Afternoon, Mayfair

At Sketch – a space for food, art and music spread over two sprawling floors in an 18th-century building – the tea is as much a feast for the eyes as the tastebuds. Never mind that you’re seated in what very much resembles a fairytale forest (below); beautifully presented macaroons, caviar and quail egg and diddy sandwiches look good enough to, well, eat. The venue is the brainchild of French mega-chefs Mourad Mazouz and Pierre Gagnaire, so expect it to be special.

Daily, from 1pm
9 Conduit Street, W1S 2XG
Oxford Circus
sketch.uk.com

The Tea Rooms, Stoke Newington

For a homely option, these pretty tea rooms in Hackney (true, ‘pretty’ and ‘Hackney’ rarely go together, but the venue really does smack of country-cute) serve up pots of brew, sandwiches, cakes and scones for just £20 per person, or they’ll chuck in a glass of Prosecco for an extra £3. A deposit of £5 per person is required when booking.

Sat & Sun, 2pm-5pm
155 Stoke Newington
Church Street, N16 0UH
Stoke Newington
thetearooms.org

Prêt-à-Portea, Knightsbridge

If you’re planning on taking tea during London Fashion Week (Feb 15-19), you couldn’t find a better spot than this, darling. The designer spread changes every six months to follow changing fashion trends, serving up, for example, cakes in the shape of Manolo Blahnik pumps or a Marc Jacobs double-breasted chocolate biscuit blazer.

Daily, 1pm-5.30pm
Berkeley Hotel, Wilton Place, Knightsbridge, SW1X 7RL
Knightsbridge
the-berkeley.co.uk


Afternoon tea in Organgery, Greenwich

Possibly London’s cheapest afternoon tea, this little stunner in The Fan Museum’s Orangery includes tea/ coffee, cakes and scones, but is so popular you’ll have to book early.

Tue & Sun, 2.30pm & 3.45pm
12 Crooms Hill, SE10 8ER
Cutty Sark
thefanmuseum.org.uk

Dean Street Townhouse, Soho

This is a super-cheap deal considering the locale: a four-storey Georgian townhouse in the heart of Soho. You can add on extras at a price, such as buttered crumpets for £3, too. Go binge on a budget.

Daily, 3pm-6pm
69-71 Dean Street, W1D 3SE
Tottenham Court Road
deanstreettownhouse.com

The Lanesborough Afternoon Tea, central London

Along with all the usual trimmings, this tea has a USP in that it provides guests with the expertise of England’s first tea sommelier. Seriously. Heaven for tea geeks.

Daily, 4pm-6pm
Hyde Park Corner, SW1X 7TA
Hyde Park Corner
lanesborough.com

The Goring, Victoria

Overlooking some of London’s very prettiest manicured gardens, this genteel affair comes with the best view of anything listed here. In winter, enjoy tea by the fire as you gaze out at the lawns, or go al fresco in summer. And look out for the mulled wine jelly.

Daily, 3pm-4pm
Beeston Place, SW1W 0JW
Victoria
thegoring.com

Mad Hatter's Tea, central London

Held within the Courtyard Garden of the uber-posh Sanderson hotel, you’re invited to “tumble down the rabbit hole” for an Alice In Wonderland-themed afternoon (below). Alas, this is strictly without fancy dress or even a host of barmy characters, plumping instead for an exercise in “culinary whimsy”. We think they mean cakes and stuff that they’ve shaped in tandem with the theme.

Daily, 11am-5.30pm
50 Berners Street, W1T 3NG
Goodge Street;
Tottenham Court Road
sandersonlondon.com


The Modern Pantry, Clerkenwell

Being a modern pantry, the spread here looks beyond classic Brit fare to international flavours for inspiration, incorporating the likes of wasabi into its sandwiches and green tea into its scones. We hear the cherry brownies are particularly moreish, too. You can also plump for trendy Caravan coffee over tea.

Mon-Sat, 3pm-5pm
47-48 St John’s Square,
EC1V 4JJ
Barbican
themodernpantry.co.uk

Claridge's Afternoon Tea, Mayfair

Continually winning awards from the prestigious Tea Guild, this is as good as tradition gets. Served on fine china in the hotel’s Foyer and Reading Room (below), you can expect the usual finger sandwiches and pastries, but done to absolute perfection. There are also 40 types of tea to choose from and freshly baked apple and raisin scones with clotted cream. Reserve well in advance.

Daily at 1pm, 3pm, 3.30pm,
5pm or 5.30pm
Brook Street, Mayfair, W1K 4HR
Bond Street
claridges.co.uk

 

More London afternoon teas, slurp this way >>>


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