Welshman, Daniel Cooper, 24, made a couple of unfortunate decisions during a recent night out with friends.
The first was pretty standard: urinating in the street before waddling down the main strip of Holywell, Wales, with his trousers round his ankles and his t-shirt pulled back over his head – much like a goal celebration.
His first sexual partner wasn’t really worth celebrating however, as Mr. Cooper made his way into a nearby kebab shop and attempted to make love to the counter.
It’s not known where he attempted to make his entry on the counter, but perhaps out of sheer frustration, he then dropped to the floor and continued gyrating.
Having worked his way through two one-night stands, Cooper made his way out of the shop and violated a Land Rover Discovery that was parked outside.
The drunken sexual rampage was apparently caught on camera by some of Cooper’s friends, but has since been deleted. For all we know, it could be making an appearance at an upcoming family event.
Cooper was apparently so drunk that he didn’t remember his actions until he was shown the CCTV footage of his antics.
He pleaded guilty and has been placed on a three-month community order and is not allowed out after 7pm on weekends for the next three months.
One of his pals said: “Daniel will never live this down – everyone is saying he was ‘tyred’ and ‘exhausted’ afterwards.
“He is not a pretty sight when naked. We all felt sorry for the Land Rover and hope it wasn’t offended.”
The moral of the story is, don’t force yourself upon inanimate objects. An inability to respond to sexual advances does not mean ‘yes’.
Image: Getty Images