Dear Bogans,

I’ve recently moved in with my best friend who I’ve known since primary school. The problem is she will not do any dishes or any housework at all. I love her to bits but it’s starting to annoy me so much that I’m scared I’m going to flip out and say something that might ruin our friendship. Any advice?

Michelle, Fulham

Hi Michelle,

Up until now, you’ve been doing everything, right? Washing the dishes, hoovering, scrubbing the bath and maybe even picking up her dirty undies? Well, it’s time to stop all that and play the “I can live in a cesspit longer than you” game – it’s kind of like Jenga but you stack filth on top of filth.

Just stop doing all forms of housework and let the crap build up around you. No matter how bad it smells or how sticky things get, DO NOT TIDY UP ANYTHING. It’s an endurance sport, Michelle. She’ll eventually have to step up the household duties or she might just carry on, oblivious to the cockroach infested pit your flat has become*.

But remember: DON’T TIDY ANYTHING. And certainly don’t talk to her about the problem. That would just be awkward.

The Bogans

* At this point your health may be at risk so we’d advise moving out.

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