Brisbane. A weird and wonderful place and a good one to start our Queensland adventure. Having been told to be wary of bogans, XXXX beer, and Ipswich, we set off from the airport.

First stop, the pub. We checked in at the hostel, dumped our stuff and headed for the local tap house. We downed a couple of schooners of golden nectar at the Exchange then headed to the RE at Toowong for maybe one more.

We sucked down some Bundy Rum and after feeling quite limber we thought we’d try our hand at pool. It was here we met Queensland Chopper.
“This is my table!” he bellowed across the room as the gold coins dropped into the slot. Immediately, I was given a nickname. Being affectionately known as “piss weak” isn’t my cup of tea, I prefer a solid brew of Orange Pekoe. But we soldiered on.

A few more went down and before we knew it the gullet was full, and inebriation was setting in. That’s when Queensland Chopper started on his stories. “He was only five foot four, he was as mad as a cut snake, and that’s when I pivoted. That’s right, I pivoted and put him down.” Sheer terror struck us. 

No one knew what he was saying but he kept going. Inane ramblings spewed forth out of the mouth that only contained five rattlers. He kept talking; we kept listening.“If they invade, we fall back to the Brisbane line!” he cried out. Whoever ‘they’ were, we hoped he wasn’t referring to a bunch of ‘piss weaks’. Out of the blue Queensland Chopper gave us some travel advice. “Stay away from the Valley,” he muttered. No one really paid attention.

We kept drinking, the night went on. Brisbane was quickly becoming the place for us. Warm weather, cold beer, friendly locals and crazy Chopper. Life is easy in Queensland and it’s easy to see why.

On the way out and on the way home, we were invited to join a group of happy go lucky travellers who were visiting the XXXX brewery the next day. We invited Queensland Chopper, and he quickly told us to “rack off”.

Despite being forewarned not to go near XXXX we decided to give it a go. For those of you that have read this far, I have slandered XXXX a bit but it’s red hot. The brewery tour will confirm this for anyone out there. 

Just $30 on the weekend gets you a brewery tour, a bbq and four refreshing lagers. A good spot to relax, soak up a bit of culture and some more alcohol. It’s here where you will get addicted to XXXX, being served at its perfect temperature the beer is salacious and when it hits your lips, your eyes roll back into your head.

After the tour, we left the brewery and headed for the Paddington Tavern up the road. Having the taste for this delicious Queensland brew we ordered two jugs and sat down. Before our first sip, we hear the voice that we didn’t want to hear again, “I pivoted, that’s right, I pivoted, and put him down.” Oh no! Queensland Chopper is back.
“Piss weak” he yells out as he storms across the room.

Again, we don’t know what to do but he joins us at the table and pours himself a beer. “Stay away from the Valley”, he tells us.

What are the chances? Being warned away from bogans and Ipswich was a good call, because the two go hand-in-hand, but seeking the delicious Queensland amber fluid will only get you into the situations that you want to be in. Having a good yarn, and a good laugh with your mates.

We’re not leaving Queensland for a while.

September 6th, 2010