Famous for its nightlife, Alice Terlikowski spent most of her time in Cairns boozing and photographing wet t-shirt competitions…

When the first conversation you have in a new city is with a girl on crutches because of an injury caused by table-dancing, you know the place isn’t likely to have a boring http://www.tntdownunder.com/chapter/2445092694.html[nightlife].

Before last week, my strapping colleague Luke and I were http://www.tntdownunder.com/chapter/2441552738.html[Cairns] virgins. As it was officially a “work” trip we didn’t think it would be all that much fun. God, we couldn’t have been more wrong.

In the morning we awoke to the sun shining through the palms and an ocean framed by a stunning mountainous rainforest.

At lunchtime, we munched on kebabs to soak up the alcohol from the previous night, by the lagoon.

I liked Cairns because it caters for every need that a big city has, but with a building height limit of 15 storeys you’re not closed in by skyscrapers.

That said, it has a casino, Shangri-La and a strip of designer stores. But they’re quietly hidden at one end of the city, away from the important stuff like kebabs, beer and cute French guys.

Later, we stumbled across (who am I kidding – we planned to attend) a venue in the city famous for making the shirts of buxom backpackers transparent.

Of course, I pretended that I didn’t want to go, but gladly played the role of official photographer while Luke wore an irrigator’s tank on his back and pumped… I mean sprayed… I mean squirted – there’s no safe way to say it – drenched the bejesus out of four big-bosomed beauties.

They jiggled their boobs and dirty-danced all the way through “Push Up” by the Freestylers – an apt choice I thought.

One in particular – the winner – was blessed with two massive investments of $5,000 a pop, (excuse the pun) and took home a favourable cash prize.

http://www.calypso backpackers.com[Calypso Inn Backpackers] has beds from $24/night. Entry fees to http://www.thewoolshed.com.au[Woolshed] and http://www.rhinobarcairns.com[Rhinobar] vary.