It was a balmy night in Byron Bay and my friend and I were getting geared up for another night out.

A few glasses of goon, a bit of lippy and we were ready to paint the town red.

Our hostel was 20 minutes out of town and we were walking in. After walking for five minutes or so, I noticed from the corner of my eye something moving very slowly beside the bushes.

I grabbed my friend and nudged her but she thought it was my over-active imagination running wild as usual.

Two seconds later some random caveman lookalike came running towards us. He was an old fella, long-haired, bearded, and naked, with his tackle flying all over the place!

He ran up to us, grunted and then ran off. We both stood there a wee bit stunned. We virtually ran into town.

What a strange start to the night, but then again, anything goes in Byron Bay.

We finally hit the watering holes, and drinks were greatly needed after our flasher incident. Many cheap cocktails and shots were consumed as we’re real classy birds!

We had a good old giggle about seeing the old boy’s dinger dangling all over the place.

We did the usual pub crawl and the final stop of the night was the very trendy establishment of Cheeky Monkeys, where everyone dances on the tables and pukes on the floor. You get the picture.

There was a lot of drinking, getting jiggy with it on the tables with the locals and randoms that one meets on such a night out, as well as talking copious amounts of shit.

I spied quite a tasty bit of totty and slowly drifted over to him. A drunken conversation ensued. We babbled on for ages until the end of the night.

He was quite a handsome Sydney fella, a combination of chiselled good looks and – suprisingly – he had a brain to match (or so I thought). He was a male nurse by occupation. Everything was going well.

Nursey even offered to walk me home – what a gentleman. The moon was out and it was very romantic. We stopped, looked into each other’s eyes and kissed.

Then, out of the blue my Aussie friend said: “Do you want to go for a root on the beach?”

Initially I thought he was making some kind of gardening reference, but then I realised what he was really talking about.

He must have seen the puzzled look on my face and thought his next action would sway my decision.

“I’ve got a big dinger,” he said, as he pulled down his trousers and undies and let it all hang out. Call me old-fashioned but I was a wee bit surprised, although I have to say, he wasn’t lying. He was a big boy.

Needless to say that, being a lady, I declined his offer. He was just a tad too forward for my liking. So I staggered home alone, as usual, and had a laugh at Nursey’s “dinger”.

I finally got back to the hostel and crept into the dorm room. Everyone was asleep so I kept the light off and clambered into my bottom bunk bed.

My mate was fast asleep in her bunk opposite me. But I was happy
to be sleeping alone.

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