Q. I’ve just started seeing a new girl and I really like her. It’s been a while had sex, though, and I am petrified of not performing in bed. How can I deal with my nerves?

Reuben says: You just need to re-connect with your sexuality. There have been some lengthy stretches in my life when I have gone without sex but each time I have come back more sensual and virile, my smouldering machismo unextinguished by time away from the coalface.

A trick I employ when my sexual confidence is at a low ebb is to shout my own name every five strokes. It sounds a bit unconventional and might feel alien the first few times but I think you’ll find that women are incredibly turned-on by it.

Equally, you could just employ an old-fashioned remedy and get rip-roaring drunk before hitting the sheets. In my expeirence, nothing causes inhibitions to melt away more quickly than a couple of Midori and pineapple juices, leaving you free to be the kind of man every woman desires.

Ruby says: You are right to be worried. If you’re a dud in the sack, you won’t get a second chance. More worringly, what kind of man are you? Petrified of sex? Get it together. If women wanted neurotic indecision, they’d be lesbians. Less mess too.

Fortunately for you, the capital is home to hundreds of friendly working girls who, for a small fee, will help you work through your yips.

Head to one of Soho’s many walk-ups – you’ll probably want a more mature lady, one with experience with blokes like you, once-proud roosters now crushed by the weight of their own inadequacy.

Or maybe you should do her a favour and not shag her at all; spare her the ordeal of you flopping around on top of her and then having to comfort you when you cry afterwards.