Claire Vooght

Stay-sober tablets: just have a soft drink instead

How many times have you woken up with an intense feeling of shame after a heavy night? With the pang in the pit of your stomach that doesn’t go away after a bacon sandwich. The sense of dread that tells you you’ve done something really, really bad. And that everybody saw.

Well, one day, it could be a thing of the past. Because scientists are working on a pill to counter the effects of booze that works by blocking alcohol’s effects on brain cells, so you come across as sober as a judge.

The researchers tested the tablet, which they hope will be on sale in three years, on mice. And these rodents didn’t even get tipsy, despite being fed enough drink to have them sprawling on the floor.

But there’s not much fun in drinking alcohol if you’re not going to get pissed. Isn’t that the whole point? To be fair, we all know people who could do with not getting quite so bladdered. Yes, we’ve all got at least one of those friends. But if there was a pill they could take to stop them letting loose, would you really want them to take it?

Think of all the hilarious things that wouldn’t happen if all the crazy drunks you knew (or you) took this pill. You’d never take a ride home in a shopping trolley or wake up spooning a kebab-covered Tube sign. If every office drunk took a pill to stay sober, where would all the Christmas party stories come from? And if everyone decided to pop the pills and stay in control, how many couples would simply never have got together?

It might save a lot of red faces and bleary eyed, regretful mornings after. But we all love a bit of excitement. And, more to the point, most of us would admit that we can’t wait for that glass of wine (or six) on a Friday night. If you don’t want to get drunk – and stop me if this is just completely insane – couldn’t you just have a soft drink?

Although, if there was a pill that could instantly sober you up when things go wrong – like a little round ejector seat – then that would be totally different.


Ashton Kutcher’s alleged infidelity

Demi Moore has spent thousands on surgery to look fresh-faced and youthful, but the rumour mill (which, of course, is never wrong) says her husband Ashton Kutcher – 15 years her junior – has been getting his end away with a 23-year-old blonde.

But it gets worse. Demi, 48, appears to be blaming herself. On the weekend Ashton’s sordid escapade was supposed to have happened, she tweeted a quote from Greek philospher Epictetus, saying: “When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself & study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.”

Come on, love. I have absolutely no time for anyone who blames themselves for a partner’s extra-marital bad behaviour. If he did sleep with this girl, then it’s all his fault.

It’s not as though Demi was there at the time, holding his hand and leading him towards her heaving minge, right?

Or maybe she was…


» Agree or disagree? Would you use a pill to stop you from becoming drunk? Is it it a partner's fault if they get cheated on?