Dean Middlemiss, 26, of Sallyport, Berwick, instead confessed to outraging public decency on his drunken night out on November 30 last year, and has been sentenced at Newcastle Crown Court to six months in prison.

Prosecutor Rod Hunt said: “The defendant’s movements with the penis were so realistic that we were at a loss on whether it was his penis or an artificial one.

“As a possible trial drew near we decided to accept an additional charge of outraging public decency, and this has avoided a potential identity parade. Nobody wanted that.”

The court was told a group of girls in their 20s were approached by Middlemiss while they were in a taxi, where he tried to put the penis through the taxi window and pretend to urinate.

He then followed them to the Brown Bear pub, continuing to expose his key ring. He knocked a drink from the hand of a 20-year-old, then struck her painfully in the face, for which he admitted common assault.

Middlemiss and his friends got into a scuffle with police and Middlemiss was subsequently arrested by PC Bone – brilliant.

Jonathan Devlin, mitigating, said his client “badly regrets his stupid drunken behaviour” and “wouldn’t have behaved in this way if he were sober.”

Regardless, he made a bit of a cock up, and so Judge Deborah Sherwin jailed him for six months for outraging public decency, with three months jail to run concurrent, for assault. Both terms were suspended for a year. Middlemiss was ordered to complete 150 hours of unpaid work, pay £250 compensation and £80 court costs. Willy or won’t he learn his lesson? That is the question…