Q. My boyfriend’s visa has run out, meaning he will have to move home. He has suggested we get married so he can stay. I love him but I’m not sure this is a good idea. What should I do?

Ruby says: People say you should only ever marry for love but, as someone who’s pressured quite a few men into getting hitched, I can assure you that is nothing but greeting card bullshit.

I’ve married for expedience several times and for myriad reasons – once to avoid an outstanding warrant, once to secure joint ownership of a really spacious caravan, which I later took in the divorce.

You say you love this guy, but where will that leave you in five years when you have to conceal this marriage to lure another patsy? The more times you get married, the longer the paper trail – it gets harder and harder to forge new identities – so pull the trigger sparingly, otherwise your whole scam could come tumbling down.

Dear Reuben

Reuben says: How romantic. You’re like Romeo and Juliet, star-crossed lovers kept apart not by the feuding Capulets and Montagues but by heartless, self-interested immigration services. Don’t repeat my mistake by allowing bureaucracy to stand in the way of youthful passions.

When I worked at Foot Locker, I was in love with a colleague, but the company had a policy that forbade co-workers from hooking up.

So I watched from afar; watched as her delicate, porcelain hands measured customers’ in-steps and listened as her inane, sing-song small talk lit up that store like fairies’ laughter.

We shared a moment in the store room once. Staring into her eyes, I was sure she wanted me to kiss her. But the next week, she took a job at The Athlete’s Foot and my Size 7 Siren was gone.

» Got a sex or relationship worry? Email dearreuben@tntmagazine.com