How did you come up with the idea?
Basically I have been doing it since I was a kid. Anyone who has a little boy will tell you they have a built-in toy and they don’t stop playing with it. I remember doing these tricks in the bath as a little kid which are now tricks in the show. University helps, drinking lots of beer certainly helps you kick off your pants. I’d have a couple of beers and drop my pants but I had to come up with things to make them laugh because they’d say, “he’s not nude again is he?”

So, the show is all about the comedy?
It’s all for a laugh. There is no deep hidden meaning; it’s all about having a good hard laugh at the human body. They are pretty funny bits really, just hanging around down there. When you turn it into a hamburger, it’s even funnier.

Have you had any injuries?
Not really, sometimes it gets a bit weary. When I very first started and the tackle wasn’t used to doing it, if I stretched it a little bit too hard I would sometimes pop a blood vessel. You can’t feel anything but it doesn’t look that crash hot.

Any awkward moments on stage? Ever start thinking about Cindy Crawford…
I know where you’re going here, you’ve got a dirty mind. When you are standing there and there is 1,000 people laughing at your genitals, you’re not going to get a stiffy are you? The other thing is the show is completely non-sexual. If it does start moving away from the body, you just tell yourself to think of dead puppies.

Why did you hang up your cape?
It’s a young man’s game, so we are just passing the mantle onto younger guys. There comes a time when people stop paying to see a 43-year-old playing with his genitals.

Do you still have a big hand in managing the show?
You are loving these double entendres aren’t you? We are right behind this new 3D show that is coming out. There is quite a bit of new stuff and a lot of new technology. For people who have seen it before, there is a new element, and for people who haven’t seen it, there is still that shock factor and all the great tricks are still in, except now you’re wearing 3D glasses. You can almost reach out and touch it!

Any teasers you can give away?
There is a couple of amazing 3D movie tributes in there. James Cameron and Avatar will be very pleased to see their work done by penises.

Is your audience mostly women?
It’s quite random, when we first started it was a real footy club type thing. There was always a guy in every footy club that did dick tricks, so there were a lot of guys really curious to see what other tricks were out there. As time has gone by it’s become more of a show for groups of girls, but we still get lots of guys and couples. It’s a great icebreaker for that first date.

Ever had a bad experience with the audience participation?
The classic one was in our very early tours. We had been out the night before so we were a little bit seedy and we hadn’t really scanned the audience very well. When we called on audience participation, this lady put her hand up and came bolting forward “I’ll do it, I’ll do it”. We didn’t realise that she was the town drunk. When Simon did the fruit bat, she was supposed to hold his ankles, but she slid her hands down to around his thighs and yelled out to the crowd “look at me, I’m kicking arse”, and just rocked a motorboat right in between his cheeks. They both fell on the floor and she wouldn’t let go, I had to prise her off. I thought it was quite funny, but then I didn’t have a 60-year-old lady blurting my ring piece.

Have you got any advice for young men that like to play with themselves?
Don’t listen to your mother, you won’t go blind, you can make a career out of it. If they do want to make a career out of it, we have jobs for them! We do private parties as well so if there is anyone out there that wants to earn extra money while they are here, even if they are just here for a few months, we can get work for them. It’s actually hard to find guys to do it now. We always want people to work all over Australia, even if it is just weekend work. It’s a good skill to have, a skill you can’t lose, a bit like being a doctor really. People are always looking for dick trickers.

Catch Puppetry of the Penis 3D in Adelaide (Feb 24 – Mar 18), Brisbane (Mar 22-31), Melbourne (Apr 17-29) and Sydney (May 5).

February 17th, 2012