Sure, life is busy and, once you’re married, the house and the children and your careers and even pets all can seem to get in the way – compared to when you and your partner first started out – but that doesn’t necessarily mean the spark is gone. As Jeff Goldblum notes in 90s classic Jurassic Park – “Life, uh, finds a way.” And so will your relationship.
There are a huge number of benefits to being married that greatly outweigh the cons – and even if you and your partner feel like passing ships in the night sometimes, as life speeds up, there are simple ways of rekindling the fire.
A successful marriage is all about maintaining that connection. Couples who focus on one another, listen and solve issues as a team are the type to last and if they should ever experience a lull they can reignite that spark quickly.
You feel safer when married, secure – a feeling we all strive to enjoy on a day to day basis. Yes, you may not be passionate at any time of the day in the kitchen but you have a best friend for life, someone who has promised to treasure you forever more.
This feeling makes a huge difference to your everyday life. From your ability to take risks, as you know you have support whatever happens – to even getting behind the wheel of your car. In fact, telematics insurance provider WiseDriving recently uncovered data that suggests married people actually drive more safely than single people.
They worked this out using the driving score that WiseDriving customers receive, which calculates how much they should pay for their car insurance. This driving score is based on how fast a person accelerates, how sharply they brake, whether they exceed the speed limit and what time of the day they are out on the roads. If you do all these things well, you receive a good driving score out of 100. Married drivers typically enjoyed a score of 67/100 while single people had scores of 64.
So why is this? Well, it could be for numerous reasons – maybe it is because you feel safer with your significant other in your car or, feel you have more in life to think about than just yourself. This can make you a better driver, as you consider other people’s feelings rather than just your own. In itself, this proves that the happiness and safety you feel in a marriage improves your outlook on life in a way you don’t often find when you are single.
But what if you feel like the spark has gone?
Psychologists believe one of the biggest reasons for relationships losing their spark is down to routine. This can sometimes lead to feelings of boredom – eating the same meal, waking up and going to bed at the same time, doing the same dog walk, watching the same shows…these can all leave you feeling wanting more and this can start to impact your feelings about the relationship.
It is so easy for us to get into the habit of taking our partner for granted without even noticing we are doing so, but one of the best things you can do to help reignite that spark is by giving one another the attention you both deserve. Don’t lose sight of the little things in life, like making one another dinner in the evening or simply just sitting down and talking, discussing your days.
Reconnecting with each other is a lot easier to do than you think, it allows you to remember all the great moments you have shared, what attracted you to one another in the first place and your shared love of the silly things in life.
Chances are when you first met you went out a lot on dates, doing nice things together and enjoying your time with one another. Now with all your responsibilities as a couple, or parents, it can be hard to get out and have some fun just the two of you.
As difficult as this may be, you need to find the time together in order to have a healthy relationship that can progress. Try and plan a night out at least once a month, it can be doing absolutely anything either of you wants but if you have different ideas of fun be sure to take it in turns to choose the activity. If you can’t find a way to get out of the house, you could do something like set up your own cinema in the living room once the kids are in bed – be creative and get that spark back.
Try to remember why you fell in love with one another. You can find each other again and not only light up that spark but create a happier outlook for you both. The spark will always be there: you can fight for it or let it fade.