Q. My mate’s younger sister just moved to London and I promised to look out for her while she got settled. We’ve started sleeping together – what is the etiquette on sleeping with a mate’s sister?

Ruby says: Frankly, it would be bad form for your mate to have an issue with it. You’re looking out for his little sister. Would he prefer she was shagging strangers?

I remember when my brother – who is nine years younger than me – had his 17th birthday party and our parents left me in charge. It wasn’t much of a bash until I spiked the punch – after that, his mates were well up for it.

I took two of them out back on to the tennis court – there are few giddier thrills than deflowering two fine young men on the service line; I still remember the chaffing of the AstroTurf on my womanly thighs.

You have nothing to apologise for. How do you expect to get laid if your mates’ sisters are off-limits?

Dear Reuben

Reuben says: A: In feudal Japan, in the days of the Samurai, lying with another man’s sister was one of the greatest insults, unless you were of a high enough standing, having accrued sufficient honour through heroic, selfless deeds. In that case, you could shag anyone’s sister.

Call me old-fashioned, but I still live by that Samurai code. You’ve had sex with your mate’s sister – that’s done – but your fate will be determined by the nobility of your actions henceforth.

If you discard this girl, sullying her name, your friend will justifiably feel slighted, you having betrayed the bond you share for your own carnal pleasures. If your intentions are honourable, and you plan to marry her, then he will be forced to accept it.

Alternatively, you could just lie and not tell your mate, in which case you won’t have to worry about any of that.


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