Elf and the Muppet Christmas Carol

Quite what Charles Dickens himself would have made of Jim Henson’s take on his classic A Christmas Carol is anyone’s guess, with Michael Caine as a wicked Scrooge being shown the error of his ways by the likes of Kermit’s Bob Kratchit and Gonzo’s narrator.

Top songs, top gags and as much a festive fixture as Dickens’ tale.

So too Elf, which has Will Ferrell in not-annoying mode as one of Santa’s helpers who winds up in New York.

Both Christmas flicks are on the same day so you can make a big screen double-header of it.

Dec 20. 4pm (The Muppet Christmas Carol) and 7pm (Elf), free 
St John-at-Hackney Church, E5 0PD  
Station | Hackney Central  


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Montague Ski Lodge

This pop-up vodka bar and winter barbecue returns to the Montague on the Gardens’ outdoor area, bringing a little bit of the Alps to west London.

It’s decked out with snow – and snowmen – with expert mixologists and tasting platters on offer too. For the price of a ‘lift pass’ you get three cocktails and grub. 

Until Jan 31. 11am-11pm 
WC1V 5BJ. £20  

Tube | Holborn 


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Glassblowing Open Studio

Truly one-of-a-kind ornaments and gifts can be snapped up, such as tree decorations, jewellery and art pieces, at London Glassblowing’s open studio Christmas market.

Rather than picking something up from the shelf of the high street’s main offenders, go artisan and artistic and impress your mates.

Until Dec 24. Mon-Sat.
10am-6pm SE1 3UD, free 

Tube | London Bridge  



An Evening of High Tease

Taking some terribly English tradition and injecting a little spice, this night fuses high tea and titillation in the grand splendour of the Grosvenor Hotel’s Victorian Parlour. 

You get a welcome cocktail, scrumptious champagne tea and a burlesque show, featuring the likes of dancer Bettsie Bon Bon. 

Dec 20. Jan 3 & Feb 28. 6.30pm, £60 
Buckingham Palace Road, SW1W 0SJ  
Tube | Victoria 


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Dick and his cat Dave star in this down and dirty panto that is certainly only for adults.

On their journey seeking fame and fortune in the big city, the duo encounter showgirl Sofonda Cox and the evil Queen Runt as they try to survive a slew of cock gags and more puns and innuendo than any panto before – which is saying something!

Festive and filthy, a cracking combination.

Various dates until Dec 18. £18.50 
Times vary WC2H 7BX  
Tub | Leicester Square  



Mayor’s Carol Service

If baubles are higher on your Christmas list than cock and ball gags (see above), get yourself down to the Mayor of London’s Carol Service, where there will be choral music, candles, Bible readings, and peace and goodwill to all.

Wrap up warm – it’ll be chilly in Southwark Cathedral.  

Dec 17. 7pm SE1 9DA, free  
Tube | London Bridge 


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Psychedelic Boat Party

At Noah’s Psychedelic Dreamboat Party, fancy dress is mandatory as guests are paired up as animals for an ark that insists it will, along with its house and disco tunes, survive the Mayan’s apocalyptic predictions.

Seriously out there and one of a kind, unlike those on board.

Dec 21. 9pm-4am, £12 
Hoxton Docks, E2 8BD  

Tube | Haggerston  


Photos: Thinkstock, Getty, TNT