Q. I work a regular office job but my girlfriend works late nights in hospitality. It’s starting to put a strain on our relationship – what should I do?

Reuben says: I used to work security – back then, we were called ‘coolers‘ – at a bunch of old roadhouses out west. I was a legendary cooler in my day. I had three rules: never underestimate your opponent; take it outside; and be nice. I lived like a loner, fought like a professional and loved like there was no tomorrow.

I took a job at a place called Double Deuce and started seeing the local doctor – she’d patch me up whenever I got in a scrape at work. I also got involved in a power struggle between Double Deuce’s owner and the local mafia, who were running a protection scam.

So hospitality can be a tough job and your girlfriend is going to need your support. If she has to drive a tanker through the desert, carrying her bar’s liquor shipment, while battling off local thugs, she won’t want to come home to your whinging.

Dear Ruby

Ruby says: What are you whinging about? The only way relationships stay together is if you don’t see each other. In high school, one of my boyfriends wanted to break up with me, so I avoided him for a whole term. He ended up pashing Vanessa Blainey behind the bike sheds but I shaved his cat, so that’s a moral victory for me any way you look at it.

Think about it this way – if she’s never at home, she can never become so infuriated by your stupid male habits and crap taste in everything that she decides she can’t stand being with you.

If you were home together every night, how long do you reckon you’d last before your fondness for The Offspring and Prison Break became deal-breakers? A week? You’re dodging a bullet.

» Got a sex or relationship worry? Email dearreuben@tntmagazine.com