Q. Word on the street is that you guys are giving up your gigs as relationship advice columnists. Is that true? What will you do instead?
Reuben says: For me, it’s just another twist in an already eventful journey. Ever since I came back from Vietnam, I’ve been working to unlock the secrets of the human heart.
With all have our cross to bear and my one-man crusade against the rising tide of heartsickness and sexual dysfunction has taken me to the ends of the Earth.
And what adventures I’ve had. I’ve lived among the tribes of the Amazon, spent time behind bars in the world’s roughest jails, observed nature at its most terrible and beautiful, not to mention erotic, while exploring many of my most forbidden desires. I’ve found and lost love more times than I can remember.
For God’s lonely man, the path to fulfilment can appear never-ending but it’s one I embark upon once more, fortified by the hope of discovering a brighter, more generous future.
May you all find your way in peace, for we shall be known forever by the tracks we leave behind.
Ruby says: I’m afraid it’s true. Management has deemed it inappropriate for me to continue in my role while under investigation for my role in the News of the World phone-hacking scandal.
I’ve tried to explain that my involvement was not for material benefit – I slept with those officers because I like a man in uniform. And when those journalists approached me to blag a few phone numbers and voicemail access codes, it all seemed so exciting. I guess I got caught up in the glamour and excitement.
So I’m fairly resigned to going back to prison. That’s OK – I met my third husband during my last stint. He was the little old man who wheeled the book trolley between cells.
So just remember ladies, that happiness and true love is all about making men do what you want.
Folks, this was the final broadcast from TNT's anony aunt and uncle. If you have a message for Reuben or Ruby, leave it below and we will pass it on for you.
