Q. I’ve made the mistake of starting a relationship with a guy who is already attached. He’s got a long-term girlfriend but I think I’m in love with him. What should I do?
Reuben says: It’s a jungle out there and there’s no shame in competing for a mate.
It happens in the animal kingdom all the time and we’re not so different.
Like female dunnocks – they’re tiny songbirds – who compete with other females for male attention, trill at ever-increasing volumes, you’ll have to raise your game. I suggest you tweak your appearance and show greater adventure in the bedroom to persuade him to mate with you solely.
That said, you should question whether you want to be part of this sordid triangle. When a female dunnock’s mate leaves her to lie with another, she produces a song of unmatched complexity. A lament for lost love perhaps? Certainly, as one who has too many times fallen prey to a woman’s cheating heart, I know all too well why the spurned dunnock sings.
Ruby says: You have two options. You can prostrate yourself for this man and compete for his attention, or you can hang him out to dry and see what happens.
If you go with the first option, you need to be prepared to fight dirty, sabotage your rival and even throw down if it comes to that. It might work, but it might not. Can a woman ever truly know the heart of a man?
I favour the second option. You should kick this guy to the kerb and take your chances.
When I was in a girl-gang and we caught one of our men cheating on us, we’d hold him down and brand him on his right buttock so other women would know him as an adulterer by his mark. It was too good for them in my view and you shouldn’t enable it.
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