Q. My girlfriend and I want to move in together but she has a dog I can’t stand. Can I persuade her to get rid of her dog or do I just have to learn to live with it?
Reuben says: I’ve been in a similar situation; firstly, you need to be prepared
to cut her loose; secondly, be careful, for she may not be what she
seems.
I remember when I worked at the costume shop on High St Kensington, I
went on a date with one of my co-workers, who was totally into me. But
then, whenever I asked her to go out again, she was always busy doing
something with her cat – declawing it, giving it a burgundy rinse – the
list was endless. Her devotion to her cat led me to conclude that she
was actually a witch, and her cat was in fact her familiar.
I think you should consider the possibility that your girlfriend is
also a witch. Look for the signs. Does she have annoying friends who
talk too much? Her coven, perhaps?
Witch hunts may have a bad reputation but they still have their place, especially when it comes to hunting witches.
Ruby says: I think you should be careful about going head-to-head with your girlfriend’s dog. You might be able to persuade her to shag you occasionally, but if you come between her and her dog, be prepared to come off second-best.
When I came out of rehab the third time, one of the ‘integration methods’ prescribed by my therapist was to become a pet-owner.
So I bought a little pug and called him Swayze and we soon became inseparable.
Swayze saw dozens of guys come and go – sometimes more than one in any given evening – but would always curl up and go to sleep at the end of my bed after licking my feet. None of those other guys stood a chance.
So my advice is to broker a truce with your girlfriend’s dog or call it a day.
» Got a sex or relationship worry? Email dearreuben@tntmagazine.com
