Q. My girlfriend quit her job in Australia to move over here and now uses that to get her way all the time. Is this emotional blackmail or does she have a point?

Ruby says: You have to cut emotional blackmail off at the knees. I once had a husband who insisted that, because we were married, it was no longer appropriate for me to sleep with parking inspectors in return for an extra hour. I didn’t recognise it at the time but, in that emotional blackmail, the seeds of our eventual divorce were already being sewn.

That said, if your lady has moved over from Australia, you’re probably obligated to do what she says from now on. For example, when she demands to get married, as she inevitably will, you’re going to have to pony up. That’s how feminism works.

You’re lucky your girlfriend doesn’t do real blackmail. When my last husband wanted to go on a stag weekend to the Gold Coast, I branded him.

Dear Reuben

Reuben says: It can place a strain on a relationship when one party moves halfway around the world. I was once married to a girl called Anuyshka – I met her through a website called South Caucasus Honeys, which put eligible western gentlemen in touch with girls from Armenia, Georgia and Azerbaijan. 

She was stunning; her obsidian hair and eyes, black like the Caspian Sea under a sheen of illegally siphoned crude oil.

Two weeks after we met online, she arrived in London. I wanted to accommodate her after she had moved so far, so I didn’t argue when she began selling my kitchen appliances on the street corner, or when her ‘cousin’ Dmitri moved in and she decided to share his room rather than mine.

We eventually broke up the next month and I gave her half of everything. But again, that just shows that compromise is key in these situation.


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