Q. I love cricket – during sex, I picture Australian paceman Peter Siddle clean-bowling Andrew Strauss and I can’t stop myself yelling “Howzaaat!” as I climax. My girlfriend finds it off-putting – what should I do?
Reuben says: Carry on – cricket has much to teach us about the concentration and inner calm needed to achieve a fulfilling sex life and even some of the superstititions players embrace can carry over into the bedroom.
For example, Steve Waugh would never go out to bat without his lucky red hankerchief in his pocket and insisted on keeping his original baggy green cap, even though it was falling apart and had been covered in sweat and beer.
Equally, if I have seduced a girl while wearing a pair of underpants, I will continue to wear the same pair every time we are together, even if there is not much left apart from the elastic. And, as with Waugh’s hankerchief, I am fond of knotting a pink, silk scarf around my tackle during coitus.
For the record, Australia will win 2-1.
Ruby says: Do you give your girlfriend a send-off afterwards, telling her to get back to the pavillion?
At the end of the day, you should do whatever works for you. There are worse role models for love-making; at least with Siddle, you’ll go all day, hitting the wicket hard while maintaining a good line and length. If you were thinking about Mitchell Johnson during sex, you’d risk spraying it everywhere and maybe even forget what you’re meant to be doing in the first place.
Your missus should be a bit more understanding – explain to her that, if the Aussies lose, she won’t have to put up with it anymore, because you’ll be too busy sobbing in the shower to even think about sex.