Well, it’s not, and sympathy for the hungover is in remarkably scarce supply, so you’ll have to sort this out yourself. Here are my best tried-and-tested ways of sorting yourself out in under half an hour.
Call your parents and tell them how bad you feel. They won’t mind that it’s 8.40am and your husky, whining voice demands to be heard. Make sure to include every detail about your hangover (‘..and I can’t move my left leg, and my spine hurts…’) and make sure to invite yourself round for Sunday lunch.
Go and roll around in the garden. If you live with a dog or cat, exercise caution, but a brisk roll in some cold wet grass is always a good way to clear the cobwebs. Make sure you are wearing old pyjamas and there is a dry towel waiting for you inside.
Eat some cheese. A large wodge of mature cheddar tucked in a bread roll is a surefire way to beat the fear. If you get the cheese sweats, relax – that just means it’s working!
Make yourself sick. However, sometimes even cheese fails us. To induce vomiting, I find the following helpful – thinking about drinking, having a drink, smelling an ashtray, smelling last night’s clothes, imagining watching a recording last night’s behaviour.
Do a bridge. Clear some space on your bedroom floor and stretch out. Remember to apply talcum powder if you have sweaty palms and take all mittens or socks off. NB: This can also be used to induce vomiting.
Online shopping. Now that you have some time on your hands, why not go on the internet and enjoy a quick browse? How can anyone feel bad when mulling over whether to purchase a hamper or bathtime gift-set?
Finally, if you have no energy for any of the above and you’re confined to your bed, I find humming the Grange Hill theme music helpful. Use the titles from the 1990s series, not the 1980s one with the sausage. You know what I mean. You can find it here.
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