The questioning about inner-camp issues has been so consistent captain Michael Clarke was forced to repeat again last night: “The team is in a fantastic place – we’re as galvanised as I can remember any Australian team to be. We’re very focused on the Second Test on Thursday.”

He may have gone over the top a bit, as I’m sure they’d be loving life more if 14 more runs magically appeared on the board at Trent Bridge. Still, we get the gist. 

But let’s have a proper look at these ‘dramas’ before England flog Australia at Lord’s starting today – hey, I’ve been brainwashed by the relentless coverage. At best, they’re everyday sporting issues. At worst, they’re school yard tiffs. 

Mickey Arthur was sacked as coach of Australia and was gracious initially, quite impressively, but he’s got lawyers involved and wants some coin: In sport, this happens all the time. Take the Premier League for example, where there’s such a revolving door at clubs there are websites like keeping tabs. Good and bad managers get sacked, and they usually find another job after enjoying a bit of a payout. Even Mark Hughes got a new gig at Stoke after butchering QPR – it could be worse, Mickey. 

Shane Watson and Michael Clarke aren’t best friends: No one who follows cricket would be surprised these two clash a bit – they’re polar opposite personalities. But if Adam Gilchrist says they sorted any differences out over a beer, who are we not to believe him. He’s the guy who walked after all. And they’re not these guys. 

David Warner threw a punch at Joe Root in a Walkabout at 2am-ish: I refuse to say ‘punched’ him or call it an ‘unprovoked physical attack’ like everyone else who wasn’t there, because if the tree trunk arm of pocket-rocket Warner connected with demure Root’s noggin, the opener would have been wearing his batting helmet to breakfast. The whole thing basically amounted to Warner thinking Root was being a dickhead, mistakenly took offence to his beardy antics and did the stupidist thing he could do – react.  

England had a field day with the whole thing but Warner’s now getting batting practice in South Africa, having learned a lesson from the whole thing. He’s still part of the Aussie squad and will likely play in the series. When he copped it from the English crowd when fielding not long after the incident he seemed to relish the attention, and now he’s saying he wants to be the next Mike Hussey as the anchor between the batsmen and bowlers at number six… saga indeed.  

As new coach Darren Lehmann said, and got a huge laugh at a press conference last week, Australia “will keep punching”. Look out England 

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