Q. I’ve been seeing a guy and I really like him but he sends me a lot of filthy text messages. Some really messed-up stuff. Is that weird?
Ruby says: It’s not weird at all. There’s nothing wrong with filthy phoneplay. Don’t be so uptight – you’ll never find a husband.
Some guys just feel more comfortable expressing their desires over the phone, rather than face-to-face. I used to operate a phone sex line and, heavy breathing and intermittent crying aside, some of what the men told me was actually quite flattering.
I’ve received my fair share of explicit text messages over the years and, more impressively, sexy pics sent by phone. In fact, I’ve collected all of those pictures and am publishing them as a coffee-table book. It’s called Got Wood: 25 Years Of Cock Pics. Available in all good bookstores by Christmas.
But if you really want to dissuade this poor sap, edit his contacts list so that when he texts you, the message gets sent to his mum.
Reuben says: You should cut this guy some slack. He’s probably sent similar texts to dozens of girls. After all, as the animal world illustrates, getting laid is a numbers game.
Female porcupines, for example, are interested in sex for only 8 to 12 hours a year – pretty much on par with most of the girls I know. Given how small their window is, male porcupines go all out to get laid.
Indeed, he will stand on his hind legs, approach the one he fancies and then drench her from head-to-toe in urine.
But, like sending dirty text messages, it’s a risky tactic. In both instances, the female may be disgusted and run away. Or, she may be up for it, in which case she is insatiable and will insist on mating over and over until the male is exhausted.
So this guy’s text messages are his way of covering you in urine to gauge your interest. Why not give him a shot?
» Got a sex or relationship worry? Email firstname.lastname@example.org