Q. I’ve just started seeing a guy and I really like him. I definitely want it to develop into something serious but don’t want to come on too strong? What should I do?
Ruby says: The early stages of a relationship are like a high-stakes game of poker; it’s a competition to see which party appears least interested in the other. Whoever projects the most relentless, unstinting indifference is the winner and whoever blinks first the loser.
You need to make sure you have your game-face in these crucial opening exchanges. If you come over all soppy and needy, he’ll own you. Before you know it, you’ll be 50 years old, ironing his underpants while he sits naked on the sofa, watching baseball and chewing tobacco, eating a TV dinner with his hairy fingers. Ask yourself, is that the life you want?
You’re better off making yourself less available. Maybe start sleeping with another guy on the side, just so your eggs aren’t all in the one basket.
Reuben says: Be careful, you don’t want to go in guns blazing. You might feel like declaring your affection for this new guy, but you’re better off playing it cool.
Take, for example, the water boatman, a tiny insect that inhabits ponds and slow-flowing streams. Despite measuring just 2mm, the water boatman’s mating call reaches 99 decibels, which is louder than a lawn mower.
And the water boatman produces this extraordinary noise by playing his penis like a tiny fiddle, rubbing it against his tummy to serenade prospective partners.
But after all this palaver, how often do you think the water boatman actually gets laid?
If he’s playing his dick like a violin in order to get attention, he’s got to be pretty hard up.
You should just stow talk of ‘getting serious’ and produce your A-game in the sack.
» Got a sex or relationship worry? Email dearreuben@tntmagazine.com
