Q. I got drunk and pashed one of my boyfriend’s mates at a party. I want to forget about it but the other guy says he wants something to happen between us. What should I do?

Ruby says: Unwanted obsession has been one of the banes of my existence, along with AVOs and the four drink-per-person limit at the bars at the cricket.

I used to work as dancer at a small, boutique gentlemen’s club called The Legless Sailor – it was classy; my cage had velvet trim and everything. But one customer became infatuated with me. I guess I was partly to blame – we had sex in the cloakroom a couple of times – but I wasn’t looking for a relationship. He kept turning up at the club, spouting lame excuses to see me, saying I owed him money and had given him the clap. The club was forced to let me go.

So that kind of situation can ruin lives. You should keep seeing the new guy – love is a numbers game – on the strict proviso that he never tells anyone about it.

Dear Reuben

Reuben says: When I was a younger man, I spent days trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube. I’d have a whole side of red squares nearly done, but then I’d have to mess it up in order to pull the blue side together.

Love is like a Rubik’s Cube: you can be so close to having it sorted, only to realise that sometimes you have to start again from scratch.

Clearly, you wanted to sabotage your existing relationship; it’s like when I drunk 23 beers through a funnel and wet myself – that was actually about my relationship with my mother. Some of life’s most edifying experiences can be drink-induced.

Maybe your boyfriend’s mate is the solution to your own erotic Rubik’s Cube. But be careful; once the muscles of the human heart are flexed, once those great pistons that drive the engines of human connection are fired, we are powerless to intervene.


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