Hello, Brett. Your new show is about the rise of online pornography – how did that come about?
I was thinking about how ubiquitous porn had become, and how broadband had become like a tap that just let it all in to your house unregulated, and yet no one seemed to be seriously talking about it in a public place. I thought it was worth exploring in a proper way. But, you know, with dick jokes. I guess I wanted to make the greatest most intelligent, emotional and sensitive dick joke show.
Have you ever tried Chat Roulette? Any horror stories for us?
Never tried it I’m afraid. I’m too scared of seeing a murder.
You used to run a strip club for your rather. What was that like?
It was like living in a porn film. Everyone was pretending to be something unreal, so much so that they would forget what it was they were trying to achieve in the first place. No one ever turned up for one night and never returned. Everyone came back. From the dancers to the customers to me and my dad. The place had an addictive pull – it was like one giant role play. But when you finally step away from it, you realise you have commodified something that was supposed to be natural (men and women’s attraction to each other) and when you put a price on it, you kill it. But, sure, it was a laugh.
You’ll be performing at the Soho Theatre soon; will you be perusing the shops of an adult nature during your downtime?
I haven’t perused those shops for some time. I like that they look dodgy and seedy and slightly threatening. I once went to the Hustler Store in LA, which has big glass windows and shiny features as if to say, “THERE IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF HERE!”. When I went inside, a beautiful woman asked what DVDs I would like to peruse. I told her ‘the romantic ones’ or ‘the ones where the men listen.’ She was not convinced.
You starred alongside Ricky Gervais in Derek, which must have been brilliant. What’s your best memory of filming the two series that you were in?
The catering on Derek was f**king ridiculous. We literally ate like kings or emperors. One day, we all decided we were getting fat and must not eat dessert that day. One of us said, ‘Well – let’s just see what it is.’ It was a chocolate fountain. A chocolate fountain! With marshmallows and fruit! Are you kidding me? And this was a paid job? Ridiculous. Just look at how fat everyone is by episode 6.
Do people ever come up to you and repeat the infamous cracker joke?
Only when I’m out with someone I’m trying to impress.
Finally, if you had to give up cheese or booze for the rest of you life, which one would it be?
Cheese. I’m sure if you drank enough booze you could convince yourself you hadn’t given up cheese.
See Brett Goldstein: Contains Scenes Of An Adult Nature at the Soho Theatre from March 3 – 8. For tickets and more information click here.
