What feels like shit, looks like shit and smells like shit? Well, shit. But also someone who’s just been dumped. Here’s how to turn your manure moment into roses…
Let yourself wallow
Right after ‘D-Day’, allow yourself a mourning period to “weep uncontrollably in a loud snot-filled way,” so says Claire Garber, who penned the book Love Is A Thief (£7.99, amazon.co.uk) when she got dumped just before her 30th birthday.It’s important not to let this last too long, however, and also not to mistreat yourself or others.
“Don’t use external solutions such as new dates, sex, alcohol, drugs, food and so on to numb you or give you an upper,” says author and founder of relationship website baggagereclaim.co.uk, Natalie Lue. “It’s important to acknowledge how you feel, but also to know that this will pass.“
Cut all contact
‘Staying friends’ with your ex is a no-no. ”You will end up auditioning for the relationship under the guise of ‘friendship’ and basically trying to prove your worth,” Lue says. “You can only be true friends with someone who you are no longer in love with. Anything else will open you up to a great deal of hurt.”
Of course with the delight that is Facebook, even if you cease contact with your ex, you still get to see what a “great time” they are having without you. The solution to that is easy – de-friend them, or at least hide them from your news feed.
And remember, no contact means NO SEX. “Don’t allow your ex to downgrade you to casual,” Lue says. “Not only are you giving them the fringe benefits of the relationship without the commitment or the care, but you’re also going to come crashing down with a horrible feeling of neglect and rejection.”
Get your life back
“Make a list of all the things you didn’t get to do because of your relationship,” advises Garber. “Any hobbies you stopped doing, an opportunity you said no to, the date you turned down with the hot Argentinian from the pub. Maybe you lost your skinny and your relationship made you a little bit fat?
Go out there and steal back all the things love stole from you. Become a love pirate.”Lue agrees: “Keeping busy by meeting up with friends, trying out new activities and enjoying your own company helps to soothe you through this difficult time and also creates new memories.”
Accept it and move on
“Remember that the relationship is broken, you’re not,” Lue says. Don’t blame yourself and don’t look at your ex through rose-tinted glasses. ”You will struggle to move on because all of your self-esteem will be tied up in this person and your distorted perception of the relationship,” she adds.
If you follow these steps, you will be over your ex in no time and feeling all the better for it. Then, as Garber advises, you can show them what they’re missing: “Accidentally-on-purpose bump into your ex. You will find them to be disappointing on the eye and dull on the ears. They will find you magnificent. Say ‘hello’. Silently gloat.”