Sir Ian Bowler thinks it is a travesty that the only choice for the London mayor is between a right wing simpleton and an extremist who enjoys handling pond life. Why can’t you have both, he asks, and so in order to make sure the the voting public have the choice of a candidate with both of these remarkable qualities, he has decided to run for office himself.

His pledges depend on what his sponsors demand but he has shown an interest in not one but four new airports for London, three underground to save space and one suspended in the air from other planes. Which is about as daft as Boris’s idea to float one out into the middle of the Thames estuary.

Check out the ‘lesser of three evils’ below: