Cheating husband Florin Ionita, 53, is accused of trying it on with his wife’s friend after the couple were left alone following a picnic. His wife returned half-an-hour later to find him writing in agony and moaning: “Call an ambulance – it is going to fall off.”

The bizarre incident took place after Ionita, his wife, Maria, and some friends had shared the picnic at a park in Chisinau, in Moldova. Mrs Ionita, 49, left her husband with the 24-year-old woman in order to drive some friends home – and could hardly believe her eyes when she returned.

“When I came back I saw him with his trousers around his ankles clutching his private parts and saying: ‘Call an ambulance – it is going to fall off,’ she explained, as reported in the Daily Mail. The woman claimed she had chomped on Ionita’s fruit and two veg in self-defence after he dropped his trousers and tried to force his attentions on her.

“I have forgiven him as he was only trying to do what all men try to do, but when I called the ambulance I didn’t do it too fast, and I told them not to hurry,” explained Mrs Ionita.

Ionita now faces a police investigation for the alleged attempted assault when he is released from hospital – and could face up to five years in jail if he is charged and convicted. We’ve no sympathy. He’ll just have to grit his teeth.